To look like this once, is once to often! Don't let it happen again!

Violence and abuse are never acceptable for any reason! It is a behavior that someone exhibits when they are unable to control their emotions for whatever their reason may be.  Honestly, I don't have much sympathy for those that abuse others. 

I've attempted to help someone close to me, get out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship for the past 8 years.  There's a lot of talk about change, but nothing ever changes.  This person runs when abused from several days to even weeks at a time, and sooner or later, when the abuser decides to turn on the charm, crys, says I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I'll get a job, I'll change, if I ever hurt you again I'll leave, I won't do drugs, I'll stop smoking, the promises go on and on.  Empty promises, one after another for the past 8 years. Hard to believe that someone will live in a situation like this continually day after day.  Of course things get better for a few hours, days, even a couple of weeks, but it never lasts.  The whole cycle starts over.

The terrible thing about abusive situations is that you never really know if the next time will be the last time you see that person alive.  All it takes is one moment and entire life could disappear or even a whole family may die.

• Honestly, unless someone wants to help themselves they won't
• Unless they believe their is a problem, they won't get help

 

Please, don't put your child in this position!

Are dating and an engagement period important before marriage?  They should be, time spent together allows people to get to know each other and see whether or not they are compatible.

It's a time to learn about doing things together and how to handle a variety of issues:

• learning to communicate about a variety of issues
• how do you make decision together
• how we going to raise our children together and what do we believe about discipline
• how do we grow spirtually together
• how do we handle disagreements
• what do we do when life is boring
• what if one of us gets sick or is dying
• what about working, do both of you work, when you have children will one of you stay home and can you afford that?
• finances

Inter-racial dating:

My belief on this subject is simple, the color of a person's skin is not important, it's their character that is important.

Divorce is something that happens for a variety of reasons. Marriages break down because of lack of communication, remembering to take time for each other, a person's character changes, abuse and/or violence, lack of money, personality changes, and more.

I was raised to believed that marriage was meant to be a permanent relationship, committment, till death do us part!  I really believed that when I got married.  I still care very much about my former husband he's the father of my children.  We had issues all through our marriage and we just were not able to work through them.

The problem is, in order for people to change they must want to change and if they don't believe there is a problem they won't find a need to change.  You can talk till you are blue in the face, but until that person knows there's a problem nothing will change.

Divorce is not easy for children, no matter how young or old they are.  It is important that they know they are not the reason. The most important advice I can give is:

• Don't turn children against the other parent, if at all possible
• If it has been a violent relationship or there is a need to protect the children, then do what needs to be done for the safety of the children

Links are coming soon.

"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal." Louis K. Anspacher

No, I'm not a marriage counselor, but I do know some things that are working in my marriage; for friends; and in our own children's marriages and relationships.  I also know what didn't work or what happened in my previous marriage.  I have also talked with others about what happened in their marriages. Marriage is not rocket science, it takes two people willing to continue building their relationship. Use common sense.

Marriages are healthy and continue with constant care:

• Good communication and develop listening skills
• No secrets, none, nada, except a surprise party or something similar to that
• Establish goals and set priorities together
• Discipline takes both parents standing together and then make sure the children have concrete rules and understand them
• Discuss and handle finances together all of them
• Don't go to bed mad or in different rooms

Some ideas:

• Have a date night at least once a week just the two of you together. Make arrangements for a babysitter, or ask grandparents or other family members to help.
  • Go out to dinner if you can't afford it, make a nice dinner at home, or have something as easy as cheese and crackers, strawberries, bananas, etc.  Or your partners favorite take out, or favorite meal.
  • Go to a movie
  • Take a walk, hold hands, and chat about things like you used to when you were dating
  • Do something the other partner likes to do, watch a chick flick, go to a sport event, art musuem, or concert.  It must be something the other partner loves to do and you don't
  • Go away for a night or weekend, it doesn't even have to be out of town, just stretch and do something different together
  • Keep your romance alive; hug, hold hands, do those things you used to find time for, but take for granted now.
    
    
• Don't place yourself in a compromising position. 
  Recommended reading: The Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham, written by Harold Myra and Marshall Shelley.  How Billy Graham felt about this issue and the standard he set was discussed in Chapter 3, Confronting Temptations: Billy wrote, "We pledged among oursleves to avoid any situation that would have the appearance of compromise or suspicion.  From that day on, I did not travel, meet, or eat alone with a woman other than my wife."  Later in this same Chapter,they told about a day in 1983, when Hillary Clinton, requested a private conversation with Billy Graham.  He agreed to have lunch with her at a table in the center of a public resturant in Arkansas.
  
  This method is I believe the best way to avoid a compromising position for both men and woman. I believe the same applies to office situations, meetings,travel, etc.
   
• Some partners travel every week or even everyday to other cities, states, and even countries.  In this situation they will be alone a lot.  Today there are cell phones, internet, Skype, etc. so communication in one form or another is not impossible.  When my husband is traveling we IM each other throughout the day through MySpace.  It works great!  We still talk on our cell phones, but IM is less invasive when working. Be accountable at all times, let your partner know what you are doing and if you can not be contacted for some length of time, it's just a part of not placing yourself in a compromising position. Treat your marriage like you are still dating.
• Always make time to help pack the suitcase
• Tuck a cute little card in a shirt or pant pocket reminding your partner how you feel about them.
• Make an arrangement with the hotel to have a special dinner or desert sent to their room when you know they will be there.
• We've ordered special dinners, birthday cakes, flowers, etc. when my husband has been traveling from the kids, myself, and even the dog!
• Put a special picture in from one of the kids
• Children need to talk to their parent while they are gone to
• Have them tuck in a stuff animal and a little camera so Mom or Dad can take pictures of the little stuffed animal where they are at.  *Idea taken from the Flat Stanley idea
• My husband often sends me a picture of what he is eating at a resturant, especially when he's eating something healthy, even though our kids are grown they still think it's fun when they are around and Dad sends a picture of a HUGE salad he's eating
• Share a fun story that happened during the day, or a joke you heard

On this day two people will vow to each other their love, trust, and more for the rest of their lives.  Many spend thousands of dollars on this once in a lifetime event. The vows that are made on that day will only last a lifetime if the two people that made the committment grow together and keep their marriage alive. Marriage can continue for a lifetime with constant care!

Marriage is about, accepting another person as a partner in your life to share everyday. Not just when you feel like it, but when you wake up in the morning with your hair a mess, sick, moody, depressed, scared, losing a breast, going through cancer, losing a child, putting a dent in a car, and all kinds of situations that I could continue to think up.  Love isn't always going to be about great sex or looking like a model.  It's about real life relationships and challenges.

Stand up for yourself, if you are ready to get married, DON'T!